(14 Oct 22 at 12:53am)Sevin Wrote: Critiques:
Often too much exposition and world building. Cut it down to what's necessary to the story. Opening your story like the original Star Wars movie is boring. Remember, you're writing in a universe with an already well fleshed out world.
And if you can: show don't tell. Meaning, it's better to show something that just out right stating it. It's better to let the reader infer it for themselves. Let me give you an example.
Bad: I stepped into Jake's room. He always had a fascination for space.
Better: I stepped into Jake's room. I found him admiring the night sky with his telescope pointed out the window.
Writing prompt:
Let's say a town (maybe Ravenholm) gets head crab mortared. A rebel and a combine (maybe left behind in a raid gone wrong or just captured) who must work together to survive. (gay sex ensues). Will their tactics clash? Will they come to see each other differently? Will they bicker like a 50-year-old couple? If backs are stabbed, is betrayal or just war?
Having the only conflict between them be "you from other side me hate" I'd imagine would be a bit stale. Maybe the combine killed the rebs gf or the reb killed the combine's squad mates or some shit.
I think it's pretty good. You're naturally your own worst critic and your desire to improve will make it better overtime.
Keep at it, enjoy it, and do it for yourself and noone else. That's how you'll make some good stuff. Just important to keep yourself in check, keep the fire lit under your ass and it'll be guaranteed to get better.
(14 Oct 22 at 12:53am)Sevin Wrote: Critiques:
Often too much exposition and world building. Cut it down to what's necessary to the story. Opening your story like the original Star Wars movie is boring. Remember, you're writing in a universe with an already well fleshed out world.
And if you can: show don't tell. Meaning, it's better to show something that just out right stating it. It's better to let the reader infer it for themselves. Let me give you an example.
Bad: I stepped into Jake's room. He always had a fascination for space.
Better: I stepped into Jake's room. I found him admiring the night sky with his telescope pointed out the window.
Writing prompt:
Let's say a town (maybe Ravenholm) gets head crab mortared. A rebel and a combine (maybe left behind in a raid gone wrong or just captured) who must work together to survive. (gay sex ensues). Will their tactics clash? Will they come to see each other differently? Will they bicker like a 50-year-old couple? If backs are stabbed, is betrayal or just war?
Having the only conflict between them be "you from other side me hate" I'd imagine would be a bit stale. Maybe the combine killed the rebs gf or the reb killed the combine's squad mates or some shit.
you make a fair point, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.
your idea gave me an idea, too, so thanks
(14 Oct 22 at 11:54am)TheJC Wrote: I believe they are big cringe, but that's just cuz I'm not into that kind of stuff.
I respect that, just dont be surprised when I send a team of special operations soldiers to mutilate you
Nah I disagree I fuck with that lore exposition
Keep at it, enjoy it, and do it for yourself and noone else. That's how you'll make some good stuff. Just important to keep yourself in check, keep the fire lit under your ass and it'll be guaranteed to get better.
you make a fair point, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.
your idea gave me an idea, too, so thanks
I respect that, just dont be surprised when I send a team of special operations soldiers to mutilate you